


Freedom of Mind

by IceBlueRose



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-03
Updated: 2011-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-17 13:39:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/177406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceBlueRose/pseuds/IceBlueRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Kris,” Adam said, reaching out and grabbing his arm. “Stop, please.”</p><p>Kris shrugged his arm out of Adam’s grip. “Don’t touch me,” he snapped, turning back towards Adam. “I don’t ever want you touching me ever again.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freedom of Mind

Kris let out a shuddering breath as he ran down the stairs, ignoring the sound of Adam shouting his name, pleading with him to stop. He shook his head.

He wasn’t going to stop this time. He’d always compromised, always smiled, but not this time. He couldn’t do it again.

“Kris,” Adam said, reaching out and grabbing his arm. “Stop, please.”

Kris shrugged his arm out of Adam’s grip. “Don’t touch me,” he snapped, turning back towards Adam. “I don’t ever want you touching me ever again.” He swallowed passed the lump in his throat, ignored the knot in his stomach as best he could. If he didn’t, he was sure that he would give in.

“It wasn’t what you think.” Even as he said it, Adam looked like he wanted to take the words back.

The laugh that Kris let out at those words was bitter, more bitter than anything he’d ever felt. “Really? Because it looked like you had your tongue down Drake’s throat.”

Adam closed his eyes and shook his head. “No. No, he kissed me but, Kris—“

“What’s the difference?” Kris asked, cursing himself when his voice broke slightly. “He kissed you, you kissed him, what’s the difference, Adam?”

“It didn’t mean anything!”

“And the time before that, Adam, did that mean nothing? What about the time before that?”

“Mistakes,” Adam whispered, sounding just as broken as Kris. “That was a mistake, Kris, and I’ve regretted it ever since.”

For a few moments, Kris just stared at Adam, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around Adam’s waist and bury his face in his shoulder the way that he always did. Finally, he shook his head.

“I can’t do this anymore, Adam.” He looked up, taking those few moments to memorize everything about the face he’d come to know as well as his own.

“Kris, please don’t do this.” Adam’s voice was soft and he could hear the desperate undertone to it.

“Goodbye, Adam,” he said, his voice as soft as Adam’s had been. He stared at him for a few more seconds and then turned and walked away. Behind him, he heard Adam call his name again but he ignored it, pulling out his cell phone as he walked, pressing in a number by memory. “Katy,” he said, feeling like his throat was closing up.

“Kris? What’s wrong?”

“I broke up with him.” He sucked in a breath, feeling like something was squeezing his chest.

There was silence on the other end and then, “Oh sweetie. What happened?”

He shook his head, despite the fact that she couldn’t see him. “Can I come over?”

“The door will be open.”

 

~*~*~

 

Adam slumped back against wall, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to watch Kris walk away from him. He didn’t even want to think about the possibility. Instead he took a deep breath and hoped that if he wished hard enough, he’d open his eyes and Kris would have turned around and be heading back towards him.

It didn’t happen that way, of course. Instead, he opened his eyes to find that Kris had disappeared from sight. He rubbed a hand over his face and turned to go back inside, freezing when he spotted Drake standing in the doorway.

“What the hell are you still doing here?” he demanded. “Haven’t you done enough?”

“Adam, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry, you’re sorry. I told you a long time ago that we were over. Hell, the few times we were together, I was drunk and it never should’ve happened in the first place.”

“Maybe it should tell you something when you get drunk and end up sleeping with other people,” Drake told him.

It told Adam a lot of things, the most important one being that he was an insecure asshole who went looking for trouble when none came up. And Kris had forgiven him.

“Why did you even come here, Drake?” he asked tiredly. “I made it damn clear last time that there couldn’t be anything between us. Not ever.”

“Yeah.” Drake nodded. “I got that.” He looked down. “I didn’t come here to ruin everything for you, Adam.” Off of Adam’s look, he nodded. “Hell of a job I did of it anyway, I know.”

Adam turned away again, wishing that he’d pushed Drake away from him faster rather than freezing in surprise when Drake had kissed him. Just a few seconds and it could’ve made all the difference.

“You know,” Drake said, interrupting his thoughts. “I think he’ll forgive you.”

Adam shook his head. “You didn’t see him.” He said goodbye, Adam thought. He’d never said goodbye before.

“Where would he go?”

He blinked at the sudden question. “What?”

“Where would Kris go, right now?” he asked. “Do you know?”

Adam paused and then nodded. “Yeah.”

“Then go after him, Adam. Make him understand.” Drake reached out and turned him around. “Go. You’ll always wonder if you don’t.”

He stared at Drake for a few moments and then slowly smiled before he nodded and then ran down the driveway.

Adam ignored the looks he got as he ran passed groups of people, barely pausing to apologize to some. It’d been something that Kris had jokingly complained about once—the fact that Adam had legs that were so much longer than his.

He knew the route that Kris would take to Katy’s and so he turned left, letting out a breath when he saw the crowd of people that were gathered on the street. He slowed down, trying to slow down his breathing. If anything, Kris would probably have stopped to see what was going on. He began to scan the crowd, searching for the familiar sight of red and teal plaid. He glanced to the right, looking away again before he stopped and slowly turned back towards the street.

“No,” he whispered, spotting the very thing he’d been looking for. “No, no, no.” He began to push through the crowd, not caring when someone glared or said something to him. Instead, he ran forward, dropping to his knees next to Kris.

“Hey, buddy, don’t move him. We’ve called the police, they’re on their way,” someone said from behind him.

Adam ignored them as he leaned down. “Kris,” he whispered. “Kris, baby, you’ve got to open your eyes, okay?” Vaguely, he noted how muffled everything around him sounded, as if he were underwater. His gaze moved to the red staining the pavement and the odd angle of Kris’s neck and he knew. “No,” he moaned, dropping his head.

This wasn’t happening. Kris wasn’t gone, not now, not before Adam had had a chance to make things right.

His breath began to come faster as he felt the denial building up into a scream that echoed in his mind along with one other thing.

 _My fault, my fault, my fault..._

 

~*~*~

 

Adam leaned down until his forehead pressed against Kris’s. “Are you sure about this?” he asked. “Because if you’re not, I’ll get out of the car on my own and Alex can drive you around the block and make it look like we showed up separately.” Kris smiled up at him, eyes bright.

“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.” He ran a hand down Adam’s side. “I’m ready, Adam.” He leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to Adam’s cheek. “Now open the door and let’s do this.”

He grinned and stole another kiss before opening the door, straightening as flashes from numerous cameras went off. His smile was firmly in place as Kris climbed out behind him, causing the screams from the fans to get even louder.

Kris slipped his hand into Adam’s and squeezed it lightly before he turned, pressing into Adam. It wasn’t something all that unusual for them though it still caused cameras to go off.

But it was the way Kris stretched up onto his tip toes and kissed Adam, wrapping his free arm around Adam’s neck that caused everyone, fans and reporters alike, to go crazy. Adam laughed into the kiss, deepening it for awhile before he finally pulled back.

“And here, I thought you were supposed to be the shy one,” he whispered. Kris laughed, nose wrinkling the way Adam loved.

“You’re a bad influence.”

“You love it,” Adam told him. Kris let out a breath, nodding.

“I really do.”

After another few moments, Adam pulled back enough so that they could start walking towards the building, reveling in the fact that the entire world knew that Kris was his.

 

~*~*~

 

“Isn’t there anything you can do?” Leila asked, her voice breaking as she stared at her son. She searched for some sign of movement, some sign that he was still there but there was nothing.

The doctor shook his head. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Lambert. Adam’s retreated into his mind, creating a world in which Kris is still alive and they’re together and happy. A world in which they are famous singers.”

“He always loved music,” she murmured, reaching out to run a hand over Adam’s hair, noting the way it had begun to grow out, the strawberry blond slowly overtaking the black.

“This world that he’s created is one in which Adam feels safe. Until he finds the strength to bring himself out of it, there isn’t much we can do.” The doctor placed a hand on Leila’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

 

~*~*~

 

Adam turned when Kris tugged on his hand, raising an eyebrow in silent question. Kris simply smiled and pulled him closer, kissing him again in a way that told Adam he was enjoying the fact that he could now do it in public.

“I love you, Adam,” he said, his mouth less than an inch from Adam’s. Adam smiled at the familiar warmth that came over him with those words.

“I love you too, Kris.”


End file.
